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Worry: a waste of imagination.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.