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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin