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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.