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My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.