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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.