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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.