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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands