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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.