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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.