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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.