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Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.