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I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.