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Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you