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Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.