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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?