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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.