Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)