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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie