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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
bras are booby-traps
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them