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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
only 9530 days until retirement.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I’m tired of things costing money.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.