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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.