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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.