Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Partying on my level requires years of training.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I know u r but what am I ?
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.