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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I know u r but what am I ?
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion