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Your personality needs alcohol.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.