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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.