Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.