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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?