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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."