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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
My life is just one long improvisation.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.