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I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.