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First fart at my new job.
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My sleep number is 100 proof.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.