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A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.