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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
My mind has a mind of its own.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.