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If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it