Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
This patience thing takes forever.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.