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I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!