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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.