Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P