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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so Iām just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
The future was so much cooler in the past.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.