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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
I have off-road rage, too
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"