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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
So many rules; so little time to break them.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."