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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
Don`t waste my timeline.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.