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Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
I try not to limit my madness to March.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married