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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.