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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.