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I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.