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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.