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If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"