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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.