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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO