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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"