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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
No pants are the best pants.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.