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I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.