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Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up