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I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.