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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook