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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
TEIAM - problem solved
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.