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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.