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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
This post is just for you.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?