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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"