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Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.