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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.