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Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.