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Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.