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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.