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"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....